if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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