Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
