What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
