i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
