broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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