i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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