Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
