All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
