I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
