My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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