I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
