Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
