My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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