I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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