so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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