I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
