I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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