i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
