nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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