Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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