I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
it's great music for shaving your balls
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
