I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
