can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i already hear my dad disowning me
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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