I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
