you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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