The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
