Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
