he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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