Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
