He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
