If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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