Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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