What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
