very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
