Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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