I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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