At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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