im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
