I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
