"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
A+ Viking dick
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
