The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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