Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
