Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
