he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
