I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
