If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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