I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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