He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
