5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
