the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
